I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
