you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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