yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize