I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i dont even know how to be here
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
