Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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