yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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