Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
