Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You've changed since you got that strap on
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
We smell like vodka and hangover
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
