Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
