We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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