I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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