youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
