Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
