Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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