Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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