she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
