I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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