So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
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I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
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So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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