I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I think I am morally bankrupt
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
