that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
