I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
