so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
