Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
