Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
