I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize