You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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