Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
