Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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