Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
