Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
