better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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