i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize