census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
