Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
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Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
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STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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