Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
