Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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