His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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