He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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