I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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