GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
