so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
