that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
