dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
