College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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