I just threw up on my dentist
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Alive.
So much puke
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
