wakey wakey hands off snakey
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
