That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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