i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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