Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
