there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
