member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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