so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
