Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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