Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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