he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
