finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
