So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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