you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
