We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
