I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want her autograph on my taint
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Randomize