my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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