My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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