i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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