if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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