Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
