i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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