Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
