3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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