My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
