you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
