I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
