R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
