I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
