So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
